Lying is the single most common problem among foster children -- something that comes as a rude awakening for many foster parents. But these children come from a world where lying is common and, for many, becomes a means of survival.
Lying is also the title of an interactive multimedia course from Foster Parent College. It gives parents valuable insights and practical steps on parenting children with lying problems. The course, part of a series on dealing with serious problem behavior, is designed for foster, kinship and adoptive parents, but is also appropriate for birth parents.
Instruction covers four types of chronic lying. Each is explored in a dramatized interview between noted psychologist Dr. Richard Delaney and foster, kinship or adoptive parents. Here are examples from each of the four segments:
- Lying to Save Face:
Harold and Madeline are up against a barrage of lies from Kyle, their nine-year-old foster child. Dr. Delaney helps these parents get past Kyle's constant denials and excuses into a deeper understanding of how he steals objects to fill a deep void created in his very early life. Harold and Madeline also learn some simple but effective strategies - such as not arguing with Kyle about a lie - that could turn the tide for this family.
- Lying to Gain Attention: Bonnie and Charles are concerned about their 10 year-old adopted daughter, Tillie. She tells the most fantastic lies. To Dr. Delaney, Tillie is a child with a terribly deflated ego who exaggerates to get the attention she desperately needs. He gives Bonnie and Charles some quick and effective steps to help build Tillie's ego in a positive and healthy way.
- Pathological Lying: Armand has been with his foster parents, Jose and Juanita, for only three months, but this teen tells a continuous string of lies. In their interview with Dr. Delaney, it becomes clearer that one reason Armand lies so automatically is that he used lying to try to set himself free from his birth father's abuse and tight control. One suggestion from Dr. Delaney is for them to avoid using questions that may sound like an interrogation to Armand.
- Lying to Get Others in Trouble: Allie is a single foster mom to Sarah, a seven-year old who seems to always instigate trouble between other kids by tattling, gossiping and bad-mouthing. Dr. Delaney soon discovers that Sarah probably learned that being the troublemaker in her birth family was a way of punishing her mom and, at the same time, keeping her one step head of her siblings. One thing Allie can do, according to Dr. Delaney, is to give Sarah more positive one-on-one time.
Although this is a relatively brief course - about 30-35 minutes from start to end - it's packed with valuable information. You'll discover how to look deeper into the behavior and start to understand the reasons behind it. Then you can start to apply the suggestions given throughout the course.
A unique but convenient twist to this course is that it, and the other titles in the series, is available online and on DVD. Parents can view the courses online at their convenience at home, which is something both parents and agencies will appreciate. And trainers can use the DVD for group trainings or lending libraries. The course also includes a review questionnaire and the opportunity to receive a certificate for two hours of training. The DVD comes with a Viewer Guide and reproducible Review Questionnaire. All courses are also available on the Web at www.FosterParentCollege.com.
- Format: DVD or Online Training
online training - $8.00 per person per course
