Grandparents raising grandchildren. The most recent census figures indicate nearly 4 million U.S. children currently live in households headed by grandparents. Whether due to the child's parent becoming incapacitated from an accident or substance abuse, or the parent's abandonment or untimely death, many grandparents find themselves in the role of parents for the second time.

Both methodical and practical, To Grandma's House, We...Stay, guides grandparents through the turbulent waters of parenting a generation of children once removed. Houtman offers advice on such issues as surviving the court system, dealing with the malfunctioning parent, and most important of all, nurturing the child. The author includes sample dialogues designed to help the children deal with the hurt they are almost certain to feel as a result of their parents' absence. And all this is accomplished in a way that is humorous, intelligent, and loaded with lots of love.

The eight appendices offer listings of general resources, issue-specific resources, international resources, hotlines, books, journals, newsletters, and websites that deal with grandparents raising their grandchildren.

225 pp

Have you noticed? Grandparenthood is definitely changing! Nearly four million children in this country are now being raised by their grandparents. Generational roles and responsibilities are blurring. Nowhere is this more evident and poignant than in families where the parent becomes at risk, whether through natural causes or self-destructive behavior, and the children are entrusted to their grandparents. Author Sally Houtman, who was herself raised by grandparents, helps sort out the amazingly complex and ironic roles of grandparent caregivers.

Houtman has a gift for using the obvious to bring out the remarkable. Chapter titles such as Becoming A Parent – Again, and Parenting Two Generations At One Time seem to say it all. Yet, throughout the book, she unravels a depth of understanding that reflects her extensive personal and clinical experience.

To be successful, according to the author, grandparents must understand the enormous challenges of parenting again -- the commitment it takes, the struggles that have to be overcome to balance the rights and roles of three generations, and the skills required to handle the intensity of emotion on a daily basis. These issues are covered with straightforward language and a clear sense of purpose and organization, supported by plenty of brief case examples.

One of the gems of wisdom of this book is learning the difference between responding and reacting. The swirl of emotions (such as blame, guilt, and anger), the confusion over authority, and children's intensified needs and disturbed behavior all converge to test these caregivers on the most fundamental and personal levels. That is where this book really excels. In a casual, almost storytelling manner, Houtman identifies the problems and issues that are unique to this population, challenges readers' beliefs when necessary, and helps build constructive attitudes and skills.

To Grandma's House We... Stay should prove to be an invaluable resource for grandparents who are already caregivers, for the professionals who work with kinship families, but especially for grandparents who are considering becoming kinship caregivers. As the book is careful to point out, many surprises and bumps are in store for grandparents who take on the responsibility of caring for their adult children's children, and it is essential for them to be as prepared as possible -- emotionally and practically. A valuable addition to the book is the updated set of appendices in the back of the book that list current books and publications, Web sites, hotlines, and programs on this important topic.

-Caesar Pacifici, Ph.D.

"Grandparents raising their grandchildren will do well to read and enjoy this book."

- Arthur Kornhaber, M.D., President and Founder, The Foundation For Grandparenting

[Houtman] offers "opinions, advice, guidelines...in a way that is humorous, intelligent, and vastly informational."

- Ethel Dunn, President, National Coalition of Grandparents, Inc.

"The information you provide will be of great service to the many grandparents who today find themselves raising grandchildren..."

- Richard S. Victor, Founder and Executive Director, Grandparents Rights Organization.

"This book reassures families that children nurtured by grandparents can become happy, successful, well-adjusted adults."

- Elinor Nuxoll, Editor and Publisher, Grandparents Journal

"...a 'must read' for anyone who is caring for or raising grandchildren."

- Elaine P. Shelton, Managing Editor, "Off Our Rockers"

...timely and relevant in an era where the number of children being parented by grandparents is higher than ever and still on the rise."

- Mary Ellen Peterson, Chief Executive Officer, Parents Helping Parents, Inc.

"...in the vanguard of growing interest in a topic that, in one way or another, reaches us all."

- Dixon Arnett, Director, California Department of Aging

"Reassuring and clear. [A] practical guide to the desperate needs of grandparents across the country who find themselves raising their grandchildren."

- Giovanna Stark, Executive Director, Child Development Policy Advisory Committee, Sacramento, California

"To Grandma's House, We...Stay is an excellent resource for the many who are tackling parenthood a second time."

- Yvonne Brathwaite Burke, Supervisor, Second District, County of Los Angeles

"This book is comprehensive and not only discusses feelings and issues but offers simple solutions, many of which grandparents are directly doing. It becomes an affirmation for some and a guide for other."

- Pamela Wiley, Ph.D., President, The Wiley Center for Speech and Language Development; Founder of the annual "Making a Difference in the Lives of Children" luncheon honoring grandparents raising grandchildren